♥

It has been such a long time but I could still see so much of myself in you.

As your hand reached out for my. Those  eyes, that smile- it’s all so incredibly familiar. I knew that feeling. It felt that I really belonged.

And then I woke up and found myself alone.
I never knew I would miss you this much.

I woke up at 5ish this morning. Wanted to go roller blading but my source of enthusiasm and motivation completely vanished as the morning progressed. So instead of working out and burning fats, I am rolling on my bed, sipping moet and munching chocolates (both are early x’mas pressies) and  progressively adding on to my “to burn” list. But I don’t really care much about  calories ( until I  freak when I look into the mirror) or how many eyebrows ”drinking in the morning” is gonna raise because champange and chocolates makes me significantly happier.

God (being good all the time) has decided to save me from ruining anybody’s x’mas (again). So et moi is completely single this year and while everybody is raving about how they are gonna spend the night over at their bf’s place, have nice dinners, bake nice log cakes, plan nice surprises, take nice photos, look at nice lights… I have zero plans for what seems to be a dreadful day. Champange, chocolates, closed doors and a bit of bobo will probably get me through it all.

Some overdue pics.

 
My tiny hand carry on the way to bangkok

The tee shirt says- No money No honey.
Somebody gave it to me since it was too tiny for him.

I tore my bag on the way back while trying to stuff more items into the poor poor destroyed agnes b. Spot the addtional extra fat blue make up pouch and the bit i burned off cos i cldn’t find a pair of scissors to nip off the torn bit.

<3 Special D.

For the past two years I have moved from being somebody I was proud of to this stranger who has broken every single rule on her rule book for you. They have been bent to the extremes; so much so, my life was crazily out of balance. I was insecure, always restless, on edge, very irrational, extremely short-tempered and exuberantly paranoid. I have moved from happy carefree girl to Ms Dysfunctional teddy.

We knew this wouldn’t work out a long time ago. But I can’t quite explain why even though after countless attempts to remind myself that I will never and did not want to let anybody string me along this way. I will still let the vicious cycle repear itself when the opportunity presented itself again.

I guess the heart does mindless things that one cannot solve using the most complex chemical equations or mathematical theories. Like you say- emotions take a man to great extremes. I have been being way too emotional.

If only we saw the holes at the bottom of the pail we are trying to fill from the very start. It will save us both alot of tears, pride, bruises, scars, broken promises, panadols and dignity. It’s sucha a shame that after two years, so much effort and so many countless attempts- the only way out is the bright green exit sign we saw right at the start of this merry go round.

Today, I am determined to disown everything I ever felt about you. Today, will be the last time I will ever allow myself to think about the days and times we spent together.

Well, Goodbye love.
I know you will be alot better off without me like I’ll be definitely be without you.

打了三圈麻将。
心里噼里啪啦的，乱跳个不停。
心请七上八下，到现在还暂定不了。

心啊。我真的不想再傻,再错，再失望多一次了。
所以，下次打牌请你不要作乱世界，让我自摸十三台。

9.57am
Was suppose to leave here for school ages ago but just as I was about to step into the shower, it started raining heavily. There is no way I will make it dry onto a cab so, I have been verifying payments, planning our Bangkok itinerary, budgeting, reminding myself to make a reservation for dinner tonight (ALASKIAN CRAB *YUMS*), poking a sleeping ball of fats. Basically, doing everything else except revising for Marketing research.

Shall go shower and meet tt in school

It’s really unfair. My last exam every single semester is always the last paper of the whole exam. This year was the worse. There were pple who finished even before I could start my exams. Horrible. I hate it when how everybody is having fun and I still have to remind myself my exams are not over. Worse still, I was about to convince myself to start studying for my first paper and I see nicks on msn like yipppee all over and done with !

Will blog with alot of pictures after Monday.
Fat promised to take me for crab + jap buffet to reward me after my exams ^_^

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My sixth sense scares me.
But you scare me even more.

I can’t tell you how fukcing disapopointed  I am.

Happy Bento: Japonica rice ball with flavoured nori + ma po tofu + boil potatoes with alot of love + Happy Red Egg (brain food+goodluck)

Surprise failed terribly
Happy bento is in Mel’s fridge now.

Didn’t want to affect fat’s revision so I stayed home and eventually fell asleep instead. Woke up and rushed out of the house to meet the girls at 85 for dinner. Came over to Meow’s to help her with her essay. Didn’t want to risk being chewed up by her dog (like how he ate up my clothes and scratched me the last time) so I am gonna sleep over for the next two hours (and risk being chewed up by my ’rents) before heading over to fat’s to personally drag him out of bed.

Loads of pictures, too little time.
Shall blog when I am in a better mood ^____^

<3 D.

Can’t wait to go back to my land of smiles.
^_____________________^